Part 37: A Tale of Two (Dumb) Brothers

For something that was probably meant to survive months-long bombing campaigns, this bunker is very drafty.



Stop calling that math problem an equation. It's like calling a flash drive and a USB slot a puzzle.



God bless Inumi and his useless, useless brain.



Why do I get the feeling Inumi has memorized every Invader Zim episode ever?

I greet him back, with a small wave. I ask him what he's up to.

Just doing some math. I have an exam coming up soon. I don't want to fail.

He seems to be taking his studies seriously. I ask him if he has some time to chat. After all, we might be here for a while.

Yeah, sure. I have some questions for you, actually. Acheron told me a story about his sister.



Bad at a lot of things, maybe.

I laugh -- but this makes Inumi look confused. I let him know that having powers don't make you bad. It's what you do with them that decides your allegiance.

And in this case -- Acheron and I weren't evil. In fact, we were dedicated to bringing Max down. I let him know that she'll pay for what she did.

I wish it didn't have to be like that. You shouldn't have to make someone pay. Especially not for being bad.



You gotta give Inumi credit for being stupid as hell but also having the same thoughts Hitler did.

That's true, but it's not so simple. In fact, I know that's not what he really wants. He just wants his brother to be alive again.

Yeah, sorry -- you're right. We always had so much fun together. But now Ill get sent to another home.

I really wish I could stay with the tour. It was finally starting to feel like home. I mean a real one -- with a real family.

If only Bro was given the same powers. He's all about saving people, you know. Just like he saved me a few years ago!



Rabies, you are making a terrible mistake.



A mistake we're now going to suffer through!

I promised I'd never tell anybody this. Even Singe said I never could. But I think I can trust you, Rabies.

We've been through a lot, haven't we? And we haven't even known each other long. I really wish you could've met Bro.

Me and Klace had a lot in common. Maybe that's why we got along so well. We both lost our parents when we were young.

But he had an important life ahead of him. He got caught up in fame and success. But he didn't have the trouble I did.



I really don't blame the powers that be for rushing to isolate you from general society as quickly as possible.

It was like they wanted to get rid of me. They didn't care who looked after me. My foster parents were really rude to me.

There must've been a lot of kids like me. It's like they have to move fast. The government doesn't care about quality.

My foster parents ended up getting divorced. I don't think my foster Father was happy. He started to take his anger out on me.



Dear Inumi,

You bring shame upon us all.

Sincerely, Inumidad



Man, Inumi's parents really hit a home run with this genetic combination, huh?

I came home from a walk one night. I saw my foster Father tearing them apart. "You have to move on", he said to me.

But I think he was talking to himself. He must've missed my foster Mom. That's the night he got really angry.



Goddamn, does every character in this goddamn game in some sort of competition to see who can have the most pathetic sadsack backstory?



I like how this implies that Inumi was such an idiot that it actually sparked the divorce.

That's remarkably extreme. I'm so sorry that he had to go through that. Some people just aren't fit to be parents.

I ran from him and hid inside a closet. I took his phone and called the police. They came and helped me immediately.

They said they'd find me another home. But I was really scared, so I ran away. I didn't want more parents like that.

I wanted my real parents back! I took a photo with me when I ran. It was ripped in half, but still flexible.



Better not have been Shock's back alley. He's called dibs on whatever he finds in the dumpster! <>

Eventually someone found me. They asked if I was okay. I said I was -- but I was lying.

That's the first time I met Bro. He asked me what was wrong. He thought that maybe I was lost.

I guess I was, to be honest. But that's not why I was crying. I told him everything that happened.



When is when Klace pulled his face off to reveal he was Inumi's foster Father all along! And then it was time for another round with the scotch bottle!

He lost his parents at a young age, too. And he'd been moving around the world. He didn't have a real home, either.



Man, Inumi's parents must be really ugly for that kind of reaction.



I believe that was from the people playing this game.

That's when he told me he was a singer. He missed his show just to talk to me. They were boo-ing since he wasn't there.

So he cancelled an entire concert just to help Inumi? I don't know if that's noble or irresponsible. Either way -- leaving Inumi alone would've been bad. It seems like they bonded over childhood tragedies.



I don't think people normally hear Klace's music unless they're a prisoner at Guantanamo Bay.

Those people are always so happy. They have lots of fans and money. You don't ever picture them crying.

And I never really saw him cry since then. So it must've been a really rare thing. He promised me that things would be okay.

He said I'd find a family again. Sometimes, you just have to wait. He told me all about his new family.



That's a damn lie. From what we've clearly seen, the band members argued with each other constantly and the band managers were complete wrecks.



Let me guess, Inumi parents died too after attending a live demonstration of Armstrong's new nerve gas.



You're still stupid.

But for some reason, I didn't believe him. When he left the alley, I followed him. It was dark and I didn't want to be alone.

He said he'd watch me until morning. But then he'd have to bring me somewhere. He was on a tour, and had to get going.

That's the night I met Singe. He was -so- mad at Klace. He ditched his entire audience!

Singe said Klace was just starting out. He couldn't afford publicity like this. He'd need a -really- good excuse.



Why does Inumi keep sticking his tongue out when the walls in this place are probably lined with SuperAsbestos?

The excuse was enough for Singe. But the audience needed a reason. They deserved to know what happened.

I mean -- they paid to see Klace, after all. I'd be mad too if I wasted my money. Especially if I had no idea why.

Klace said that he'd be open. He'd tell them exactly what happened. Plus it would come off as good PR.

Stopping to help an orphan boy? It doesn't get any nicer than that.



Couldn't Klace just join Scientology and let them take care of it?

That's when he decided to take me along. But it seemed really weird to me. Was I just an excuse for the audience?

Because just a moment ago, he said no. I was both grateful and confused.

That's why I said he liked saving others. I don't know where I'd be otherwise. Maybe at another home -- getting hit again.



The way Inumi says this with weird clarity when he usually has the cadence of a two-year old makes me think Klace is writing from personal experience or something here.

So I guess Bro "adopted" me. And it probably seems weird and sudden. But you'd understand if you were us.

Two victims can connect on a deep level. You know exactly what their pain is like. I felt his -- and he felt mine.



And you were totally fine with the fact that you were literally a pawn to save Klace's career?



They only threw a few chairs onstage!

Especially since they'd reschedule the show. So none of their money would go to waste. In the end -- it seemed like everybody won.

That's how I got involved in the tour. That was a few years ago, now. Klace, Shock and Rocker got way more famous.

That does make a lot of sense. It explains why Inumi thinks they're brothers. But I have to agree, it was a -little- odd. That's a big life change for just one night.

But I can't begin to assume what they felt. Perhaps in the moment -- it was the right thing to do. The world is full of weird stories like that. It only mattered that everybody was happy in the end.



He talks up Klace in the same way that Tommy Wisseau's character in The Room is supposed to be this wonderful saint of a human being.

The audience always cheered for him. As soon as he stepped out on the stage. I wanted to be like that one day, too.

I looked up to him -- he taught me so much. He even helped me get home-schooling done. I still had to graduate, like everyone else.

But I had a big happy family. Just like I always wanted. Well, except for when Singe is mad.

He laughs softly, and I do as well.



Oh Inumi, they're never going to get those letters.

Because they're in Hell, you see.

I knew that they'd never get them. But it made me feel happy either way. Like I was actually talking to them.

I remade the letters my foster Dad ruined. But this time, they were perfect. Just like my parents would've wanted.



Isn't your bed that giant pile of trash in the limo?

klace always said that I'd see them again. But I can look forward to seeing him, too. We'll be one happy family up there.

Until then -- I'll write to him, as well.



About the only way that backstory could have been more of a cliched mess is if somebody told him at some point that Santa isn't real.



God help us all when Inumi has to start studying algebra.

So I wish him good luck as I start to leave. I look at the time on my phone -- almost midnight. The battle for The Ark would soon come to a close. Knowing that, I walk back the way I came.

I must've talked to everybody here by now. Acheron mentioned that Dazz and Singe were elsewhere. I hoped that they were okay -- since times were tough.

Speaking of tough times -- something catches my eye. There's a chalk drawing on the wall beside me. It's a picture of Inumi and Klace holding hands. The text underneath reads: "I miss you, bro."



In terms of drawings by people with dead parents, I suppose it's decent. BUT NOT NEAR AS DECENT AS PHIDGET, WHO'S GOT THE DEADEST PARENT OF THEM ALL!